Meri Maut...

Kuch kehna chaahta tha main par us ne kuch bhi toh nahi kehne diya, bas rulaati rahi... Kehne na ruka saki mujhe toh haath chhoda kar rok di mujhe... Main nahi rooka, bas meri saansein, meri dhadkan sab rook gaye... Main toh sard ho gaya tha uske iss harkat se par kyun sard aankhon se ye paani beh raha hain, lagaatar beh raha hain shaayad ye mere laash ko dekh kar ro raha hain... Main jeene laga tha usey dekh kar, achha lagta tha intezaar karna, baat karna, ladna, jhagadna, roothna, manaana par ab kuch bhi nahi kyunki wo chaahti thi main marr jaon, khatm ho jaon taaki wo jee sakey... Jee uthi wo mere marne se shaayad...

It Will Remind You Of "Me"...

I will stand here with a smile while you will be leaving
It will bring tears to my eyes; it will break my heart apart
I don’t want you to leave but I have to let you go
I will take a deep breath; I will let you go with a smile 

Just walk straight, don’t look back, these tears will seize you
It will remind you of me that how much I love you and adore you
When you reach there and if it rains, don’t look out of the window
It will remind you of me that how much I love and enjoy the rain 

If you decide to get a movie, don’t stop at the cover of love story
It will remind you of me, as somewhere in there it’s you and me

If you turn on the radio, and hear a love song, don’t focus on the lyrics
It will remind you of me, as you were being dedicated love songs by me Each day and night,

each step of life will remind you of me

I have been with you for quite a while but looks like life time      
I gave my heart to you, it’s ok if you can’t hold it or keep it But don’t break it, each broken heart will then remind you of me…    

Tasveer...

Kyun dekhta hoon main uski tasveer baar baar... Kya dhoodhna chaahta hoon uski aankhon mein... Kuch bhi toh nahi un mein mere liye un mein par main kyun nahi samajhta hoon, kyun nahi samjha paata hoon apne dil ko... Kyun ab bhi ek umeed hain ke shaayad kuch dikh jaaye... Pata nahi kab ye talaash khatm hoga ya shaayad tab tak chalega jab tak meri saansein chalegi... Wo bahot sundar hain; ekdum palko'n mein sahej kar rakhne jaisi... Par mere palko'n ke aise naseeb nahi ke un mein wo rahe... Mujhe pata hain wo mujhe khush dekhna chaahti hain par kyun nahi samajhti hain usey dekhna, us se baatein karna, us ke sapne dekhna mujhe khushi deta hain... Wo kehti hain sab bhool jao jo hain us mein khush raho... Sach kehti hain par main bhi toh insaan hoon; jeene ka haq mujhe bhi toh hain... Kyun us se itna pyar karta hoon ye pata nahi par karta hoon ye sach hain... Ek aisa sach jo galat hain iss dhongi duniya ke liye par mere liye iske siwa kuch bhi pavitra nahi hain... Sochta hoon keh doon ke de do shareer unhe jinhe zaroorat hain uski par mann se toh aa jao mere paas... Itna pyar doonga, itna sahej kar rakhoonga ke saari duniya, saare gham sab bhool jaayegi wo... Wo nahi aayi, uska mann bhi nahi aaya... Kuch tasveero'n mein main usko dhoondta hoon, uske mann ko dhoondta hoon; mil bhi jaatey hain aur jee leta hoon phir apne saare sapney uske tasveero'n ke saath... Inhi sapno ko jeene ke liye har roop har libaas har adaa mein uski tasveer dhoondta hoon par ab toh tasveerein bhi nahi maang sakta hoon kyunki rok rakha hain mujhe kuch bhi kehne sunne ya maangne se... Usey mera kaha ya kiya kuch bhi toh achha nahi lagta... Kya itna bura hoon main... Shaayad... Kyunki wo kabhi jhooth nahi kehti...

Intezaar...

Bahot yaad aati hain wo tumhari neend se bharrayi awaaz mein kehna ke jaldi se achhe se good night keh do toh main so jao... Main jaan bhujkar nahi kehta tha good night kyunki mujhe tumhari madmast awaaz mein phir se sunna hota tha wo, bahot hi khudgarz hoon na main... Ab bhi raat hoti hain, ab bhi intezaar hota hain par ab tumhari awaaz nahi hoti kaano mein, na hi good night kehti ho... Ab bas intezaar hota hain... Wo ek sapna tha jo main jee raha tha toh kyun aankh khulney par bhi main us sapne ko talaash raha hoon... Par main jaagna nahi chaahta hoon... Jaagne par sachhai ka ehsaas hota hain aur sachhai ye hain main uska kuch bhi nahi... Kaash wo meri hoti... Uski koi cheez mere liye hota, sirf mere liye... Nafrat chaahta hoon main uska aur haq se maangta hoon us se kyunki yehi ek cheez hain uski jisey main haq se apna keh sakta hoon ekdum exclusive mera... Mujhe chaahiye uski nafrat kyunki main bhi toh usey paagalo'n ki tarah chaahta hoon, sabse jyaada nahi toh kisi se kam bhi nahi... Intezaar hain uske nafrat ka par ek guzaarish bhi hain ke please kam se kam ye dene mein itni deir nahi karna ke saansein bhi nahi bachey usey apna kehne ke liye...

Mere Jazbaat...

Wo kehti hain ke ye sab likh kar apna time waste na karoon, kyun nahi kehti wo ke apne jazbaat kaha jaakar kahoon, kisey kahoon... Us se toh kuch bhi nahi keh sakta main... Mujhe koi haq nahi hain aur ho bhi kyun main kya lagta hoon uska- kuch bhi toh nahi... Wo kehti hain ke dost banke raho, usey aasani hogi mujhse baat karne mein par mera kya main kaise bhool jao apne emotion... Lekin main karoonga jo tum kahogi kyunki mujhe achha lagta hain tumhari baatein maanna, tumhari kahee cheezo'n ko karna... Main jee loonga in char mahino ki yaadein aur kuch umeedein liye... In umeedo'n aur yaadon ke siwa mera hain bhi kaun...

Ek Bojh...

Usne hastey hastey hi kaha par dil mein kahi chhoob gaya... Ek current sa dauda rago mein, ek sihran si hui badan mein aur aankhen namm ho gayi... Bahot dard ho raha hain... Kya main sach mooch uska ghar barbaad kar raha tha... Shaayad haan kyunki ab toh log bhi kehne lage hain par maine toh kabhi apni hadd paar nahi ki, kabhi koi cheez expect nahi ki... Kyun soch soch kar mera guilt se dum ghoota jaa raha hain... Maine kitni padhai ki thi, kitna kuch yaad kiya tha usey bataane ke liye, samjhaane ke liye, sirf ek sentence ne saara ka saara dimaag se rub out kar diya... Pata nahi kyun mujhe chain nahi ho raha hain... Maine toh sirf pyar kiya hain, badley mein na kuch chaaha na maanga... Agar main sach mooch usey pyar karta hoon toh kyun usey embarras karta hoon logo'n ke saamne... Mujhe nahi karna chaahiye aisa... Main maafi maangta hoon us se, mujhe apni galti ka ehsaas ho gaya hain... Samajh gaya hoon ke pyar karna galat hain... Maine decide kiya hain ab meri wajah se wo kabhi embarras nahi hogi... Main uske liye aisa sawaal nahi ban-na chaahta jiska uske paas koi jawab na ho... Usne mujhe rokne ke liye kitne scheme kiye par main ruka nahi lekin uske muh se nikle us sentence ne mujhe mere saanson ke saath wohi rok diya... Ab toh main dekh raha hoon usey apne se door khushi khushi jaate huye, dil dukh raha hain, ro raha hain par khush hain ke wo kitni khush hain door jaate huye... Agar maalom hota ke wo door jaane se itni khush hogi toh main kab ka ruk gaya hota... Saath toh hum kabhi chale hi nahi, wo hamesha aagey thi aur main uske peechey ye umeed mein ki kab wo kahe ke mere saath chalo mujhe tumhari zaroorat hain... Main bhool gaya tha ya shaayad andhaa ho gaya tha apne khudgarz pyar mein ke ye dekh nahi paaya ke uske haathon mein kisi apne ka haath hain... Main toh koi bhi nahi uska... Na kabhi tha uska na kabhi ho sakoonga uska... Uski chaahat koi aur hain, uski zaroorat koi aur hain... Na toh main uski chaahat hoon na main uski zaroorat hoon... Ab toh bas usi jagah par khadey huye dil mein guilt ka ek bojh liye; aankhon mein kuch boond liye; hothon par muskurahat liye dekh raha hoon; usey apne se door jaatey huye, kuch deir mein wo aankhon se ojhal ho jaayegi, reh jaayenge mere saath uske kuch ehsaas, kuch yaadein, kuch tasveerein, din-ba-din badhta pyar aur ek umeed ke wo palat kar dekhegi kabhi...

Kya Karoon...

Kyun wo chaahti hain ke main usey sochoon tak nahi... Kya mera itna bhi haq nahi us par... Kyun wo door karna chaahti hain mujhe... Kya khushi milegi usey... Kyun nahi samajhti ke mere jeeney ka bhi toh ek hi kaaran hain... Kyun usey ye kaaran de doon main, Kya sirf iss liye ke main usey chaahta hoon, pyar karta hoon, pooja karta hoon... Kya maine kabhi pyar ke badle pyar maanga us se... Jab bhi chaaha, jab bhi maanga toh sirf ye ke wo khush rahe, muskurate rahe... Kya galat maang liya... Wo kehti hain main usey na sochoon uska khayaal na rakhoon... Kaise mumkin hain ye sab wohi bataa de... Usne hi toh sikhaaya hain kaise bina kuch chaahey pyar kiya jaata hain... Wo kyun nahi samajhti ke main kisi laalach mein nahi khayal rakhta hoon uska... Main hamesha se ye karna chaahta tha par kisi ne samjha hi nahi... Socha wo samajh paaegi par... Koi baat nahi, kuch log yuhi sapney mein hi zindagi guzaar dete hain... Mujhe pata hain main uski zindagi mein takleef banke aaya hoon par kya karoon lakh koshisho ke baad bhi main apne aap ko rok nahi paata hoon... Wo jab kehti hain ke mera khayal mat rakhna, mujhe mat sochna tab kahi bahot dard hota hain, bahot jyaada aur jaanleva dard... Bardasht karta hoon us dard ko kyunki kahi ab bhi umeed hain ke wo ye sab sirf gussey mein keh rahi hain, dil se nahi... Main toh sirf usey kiya hua vaada nibha raha hoon, wo vaada jo maine apne aap se bhi kiya hain, uska dost banke rehne ka, har haal mein uska saath dene ka... Aaj se main usey koi takleef nahi doonga, sirf intezaar karoonga uske ek fone ka, ek sms ka jisme likha ho " kaha ho sarkar mujhe aapki zaroorat hain", meri zindagi ka Eid hoga wo din... Pyar toh badh raha hain aur badhta hi jaayega kyunki uske pyar ne hi sachhe pyar ka matlab samjhaya hain... Giley, Shikwey, Taaney, Argument kisi mein itni taaqat nahi ke ye pyar kam kar de... Main usey dekhoon na dekhoon, baat karoon na karoon pyar hamesha hi rahega, saath intezaar bhi hoga uska aur kuch boondein aansoo'n bhi honge uske naam ke...

Khudgarz...

Usey khush karne ke chakkar mein maine usey iss hadd tak dukhi kar diya ke ab wo bhaag jaana chaahti hain meri parchhaayi se bhi... Darta hoon ke ek parchhayi ka hi rishta toh bach gaya tha ab shaayad wo bhi na ho... Mar raha hoon main haule haule... Kya keh diya, kya kar diya maine jis se wo dukhi ho gayi, toot gayi... Haan main hi toh kaaran hoon uske dukh ka, uski takleef ka... Main itna matlabi kaise ho gaya, kyun mujhe uski tadap nahi dikhi... Kyun main khud ke baare mein sochne laga... Pata nahi shaayad iss liye ke ek uski hassi hi thi jo meri ho sakti thi... Wo bhi chhin liya maine... Jaane anjaane mein main khudgarz ho gaya... Maafi maangna chaahta hoon par ab shaayad wo mauka bhi na miley... Par tum keh toh sakti thi mujhe, ehsaas dila sakti thi mere jyaadtiyo'n ka... Kaha kyun nahi tumne, kyun sehti rahi meri jyaadtiyo'n ko... Kyun tum bhi ye prove karne mein lagi rahi main kabhi bhi kisi ko bhi khush nahi rakh sakta... Sach kaha tha kisi ne main kisi ka bhi nahi ho sakta, dosti toh bahot badi baat hain main kisi bhi rishtey ke laayak nahi... Aansoo'n kyun nikal rahe hain mere, kyun nahi dil samajhta hain ke ab uska bhaanda foot gaya hain, ab rone dhone ke naatak se kya hoga... Chali toh wo pehle hi gayi thi ab toh usne apni parchhayi bhi ghaseet kar le gayi apne saath... Ek ehsaas tha wo bhi uske saath ho liya... Main itna khudgarz ho gaya hoon ke ab bhi usi raastey par khada sehsa iss intezaar mein hoon ke tum jaatey huye jo parchhayi aur ehsaas apne saath liye jaa rahe ho usey shaayad lauta ke mere paas bhej do...

Pachhtaawa...

Maine galat kaha, maine galat kiya par kya karoon main tumhe toot ta hua nahi dekh sakta, tumhare aansoo ki garmi mein mera aapaa apne aap pighal jaata hain... Main badhawaasi mein keh deta hoon sab... Ye bhi nahi soch paata hoon kyun keh raha hoon, kis haisiyat se keh raha hoon bas keh jaata hoon... Kyun ye bhool jaata hoon ke main kuch bhi toh nahi tumhara, koi haq bhi toh nahi mera tum par... Main tumse maafi maangna chaahta hoon... Iss liye nahi ke maine kuch kaha tumse aaj par iss liye ke kya wo sab kehna zaroori tha... Ye bhi toh nahi socha ke tumhe achha lagega ya bura... Mujhe sochna chaahiye tha bolne se pehle ke aakhir tum ho toh unke aur wo tumhare aur main kya hoon, kaun hoon, kuch bhi toh nahi... Keh deta hoon kyunki maine apne aap se vaada kiya hain main tumhe har dukh har chintaa se parey rakhoonga... Chaahe jo jatan karna padey tumhare chehre par muskurahat laaney ke liye main wo sab karoonga... Main sach mein pachhtaata hoon kuch kehne ke baad par dil hain ke....

Tere Mere Sapney....

Raat bhar sochta raha main uski wo baat "sab toh pata hain phir shabdo'n ki kya zaroorat hain"... Main sach mein sunna chaahta tha... Kaash! tum samajh paati, tum samajh paati ke sirf sunne ka haq toh reh gaya hain mere paas... Tum kyun nahi kehti mujh se kuch... Kuch kaho, Kuch toh kaho... Main bahot khush hoon ke tumhe ek sapna jeene ka mauka mila... Wo sapna jo kahi mere sapno ke saath mail khaata hain... Mauka bhi us din mila jis din tumhe uski sabse jyaada zaroorat hain... Main sach muchh bahot khush hoon... Kuch sapne mere tu jee dey kuch sapney tere main jee deta hoon... Main tumhare paas aata hoon, tumhara haath thaamta hoon, tumhe gale lagakar choomta hoon iss kadar ke tum simat jaati ho apne wajood ke saath meri baaho'n mein hamesha-hamesha ke liye... Koi maryaada koi deewar tere mere beech nahi rehta... Uff! Ye ehsaas ye sapney... Kya ye sirf sapney hi reh jaayenge?...

Teri Muskurahat...

Main aaj bahot khush hoon kyunki tum jo khush ho... Tumhari wo neend se bhari aankhen baar baar yaad aati hain aur sehsa hi mere chehre par muskaan aa jaata hain... Tum sach mein bahot khoobsurat ho... Kisi bhi haalat mein, kisi bhi libaas mein, kaise bhi, tum bahot sundar ho... Kal ki wo tasveer ab tak aankhon mein hain, par ye kya! kyun tumhari aankhen sooni hain... In mein sapney basney chahiye... Aankhon ki khoobsoorti un mein basey sapno se hoti hain... Jab bhi tum kuch naya karti ho, kuch naya pehanti ho, kuch naya sochti ho tum mujhe sabse pehle bataati ho, uski tasveer bhejti ho... Ab ye aadat si ho gayi hain aur aaj bhi ek tasveer ki umeed hain... Dil kehta hain tumhe yaad hain ye poochhna ke wo shirt tum par kitna jachtaa hain fir sochta hoon itne jhamelo mein tum bhool gayi... Koi nahi mujhe intezaar mein bhi mazaa aata hain... Bas! main aaj kuch nahi sochna chaahta hoon kyunki tum hass rahi ho aur main tumhare saath hasna chaahta hoon... Jee bhar ke, khul ke, duniya ko bhoola ke bas hasna chaahta hoon tumhare saath... Shaayad teri muskurahat mein hi meri muskurahat chhupi hain kahi...